Cottage Cheese
by Cead
Summary: Crack! reveal one-shot story for my friend's 14th birthday. A fanfiction birthday party if you like, in her honour. In which Arthur, Gwaine and Leon get a bit drunk and decide to have a little fun. Rated T for slight language.


"*Giggle…

….

*Giggle…

….

…

HA."

"GWAINE! SHUT UP! YOU'LL RUIN EVERYTHING!"

Arthur sighed at the stupid drunk, and then joined him in laughing. Even if they brought out a brass band, Merlin wouldn't wake up. Not after the potion they poured in his mead half an hour ago. In his hand, Arthur held a bucket of cottage cheese. Gwaine held a feather. And just in case, Leon had rope. Lots of it.

They advanced towards him, stumbling slightly in their intoxication. Leon got the rope ready, holding the end precariously, waiting to strike in case the serving boy awoke. Arthur swayed when he sat down, raising a finger to his lips.

"Shhhhwhwwwwhhhhwwwhhh…," he whispered, "sl, sl, sleepy Merlin…"

"Stupid Merlin," Gwaine giggled again. Arthur shot him The Look. He shut up.

Arthur reached down into the bucket of slimy cheese and took a sloppy handful up and out, which he then slumped into Merlin's hand. He nodded to Gwaine, who then tickled Merlin's nose with the little feather.

Merlin's face wrinkled, and eventually, he took his hand full of cottage cheese…and smothered it across his face, flicking some at Leon as he did so.

Gwaine and Arthur roared with laughter at the cheesy pair, falling back to the floor, clutching their knees to their chests. Gwaine banged his fist of the floor as Leon wiped the flecks of cheese from his cheeks, not amused.

Then, Merlin began to stir.

"He'shh waking up! Hiiiiide!" Arthur yelled. He darted for the nearest cupboard, pulling Gwaine in with him. Leon stood there, not knowing what to do, then hid behind the curtain, rather poorly concealed.

Merlin sat up in his bed, hearing the faint giggling from somewhere in the room. Cheese ran down his face, though he didn't seem to notice.

"Who, who- WHO," he slurred, "is… thuuuur?"

It physically hurt Arthur to contain his laughter.

"Who's thur?" Merlin yelled.

A small giggle leapt past the trio's lips.

"I'm warning you!"

Arthur was very tempted to jump out of the cupboard, shout "BOO!", then rugby tackle him, but he stayed in the cupboard.

Leon and Gwaine started making ghost noises to try and scare him. Merlin looked genuinely petrified, which just made Arthur almost die inside from inner giggle fits.

"I have, I has…MAGIC-AND-I'M-NOT-AFRAID-TO-USE-IT!"

An audible gasp escaped their lips. Gwaine lunged out of the cupboard door, gaping. "NO !" he said, mouth dropping to the floor (quite literally, as he tripped over Merlin's feet).

"Gwaine?" Merlin said, tilting his head.

"O.!" cried Leon, twirling out from behind the curtain, taking it down with him as he fell to the floor.

"Leon? What the hell, guys?"

"Merlin?" said Arthur, slowly emerging from the cupboard. Merlin froze. Arthur thought he heard a small mutter of "Oh, crap…" from his servant's lips.

"Is that true?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Merlin mumbled. "I just said it so you were SCAAAARED. I don't, I don't have magic. I'm a dumbass, I can't even wash shirts, remember?"

"No wait a minute!" said Leon. "Lancey said you did one time! Yeah, when we were playing that truth or dare drinking game! He said you like killed the griffin or some crazy shit like that!"

"NO WAY GURL THAT'S AWESOOOOOOME!" Gwaine yelled from the floor, hiccupping slightly at the end.

Merlin looked at Leon, then at Gwaine, then to Arthur, then back to Gwaine, then ran out of the room, crying "!" like a caveman, cottage cheese flying off the end of his nose.

Arthur just stood there.

"What the hell just happened?" he thought aloud.

"Your boyfriend just admitted he's a sorcerororor," Gwaine stumbled, trying to get back to his feet again. He just fell flat on his face instead.

"He is NOT MY BOYFRIEND!" Arthur stropped, throwing himself down on the bed.

"That's not what he told me…" Leon giggled.

He received a size 10 foot in his face in return.


End file.
